She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
