So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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