If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He has the fingertips of a God
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