TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
