I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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