oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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