i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
