First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
