Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
