is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
