she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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