I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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