At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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