i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
