My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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