Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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