Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
