I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
