apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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