its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Text me some of your sweat
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