the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He felt like a one man threesome
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
