Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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