I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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