Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize