HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
