I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
