my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
