he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize