end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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