i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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