Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
