I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Success! We fucked roommates!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
