Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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