Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
