it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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