oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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