I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
