areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
did i walk over a car last night?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Boobs are out for the taking
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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