Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
