well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
