Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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