Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
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He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
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When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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