Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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