: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
