the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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