I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
