I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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