dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
