Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
