I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
