So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
