did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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