I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
