I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
