That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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