The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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