I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
