dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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