piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
