He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
