He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
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Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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